Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sunday Broody Sunday

I'm working on a Sunday. I'll come out and say it... I do not enjoy working on Sundays. I'll tell you why. Magical things happen on Sundays. It's true. Just try sitting around on the first day of the week without something unexpected, awesome, inspiring, or maybe a combination of all three happening. I'm a single guy. I live alone. I do not really enjoy being alone very often, so I try to find things to do to occupy my spare time like volunteering for fake charities or writing inappropriate e-mails from patrons' accounts at the library when they get up to print some papers. Sundays, however, are different. Much different my friends. You just sit in a chair and bask in the Sundayness and things will start poppin'. I'm telling you, it's true. But when I have to work on Sunday, it cuts into the basking which I am very disappointed about.

Have I ever told you guys that I absolutely despise the word potty? It's seriously the worst word ever. We play a commercial that prominently uses that word and I cringe every time.

While we're at it, here are some other things that perturb me.

- People who learn a new word and insist on using it incessantly. You'll pick a word like incessantly and accidentally say incestly anyway. There's no need.

- Haters. Don't be a hater. Just because I'm an amazing dancer, you don't have to be jealous.

- Burning something as a protest. Fire is dangerous. Everyone knows spitting gets the point across way better anyway.

- The phrase "golly gee".

- People who insist on rhyming everything. I'm sure there are some Billys who aren't silly and some Barrys who aren't fairies.

- People who ask other people if they've noticed something different about them. That puts too much pressure on the other person. If you want people to know you've lost a ton of weight, wear really baggy pants and a headband.

- Soft phone conversations in public. Can you please speak up? If you're not loud enough, no one can hear what you're saying. It's really rude.

- When girls insist that they are going to go crazy if they don't get chocolate. Suck it up. Boys want a cold drink and to watch a game all the time. But we don't leave work to do so.

- Finally, the lady who has called me non-stop for the past two weeks. I'm tired of listening to your manufactured sappy stories that you think will prompt me to dedicate a song to you. And I don't want to dedicate a song to myself either. That doesn't even make sense. Especially the song titles that you give me. You're kind of gross. Either act like a civil human being or stop calling. It bothers me that I recognize your voice within the first .5 seconds that you start your screeching. And no, I don't want to attend your bonfire. So weird.

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