Tuesday, September 30, 2008

When In Athens...Yes?

I figured I would give a bit of a short recap about last weekend. Right after work on Friday Scotty G and I made the 7 hour trip down to Athens, GA for the weekend. 7 hours, unfortunately, turned into 8.5 hours because Scotty has the smallest bladder known to mankind and also they don't believe in selling gas at gas stations in Georgia. I'm pretty sure we got the last bit of gasoline south of Atlanta on our way down and it was pure luck. There's some kind of shortage going on and several people were going to be stranded in Athens after the game until more gas became available. I'll tell you one thing though. It's not a bad town to be stranded. It's relatively small, but a college town for sure. We went downtown on Friday night after we arrived and I had never seen so many people just walking around on a strip. There were even lines for falafels.

Saturday we walked all over the campus and ended up tailgating right in front of the library. Yeah, how awesome is that? I had been to one SEC game before and I laugh every time. This is people's religion. Some of the tents set up to grill out and have a good time all day before the evening game were ridiculously ornate. The outfits were incredible. A lot of the guys dress up, with their clown look-a-like red Georgia pants and all the girls get dolled up. It's a different culture for sure. But I loved it. Every single minute. We didn't actually get to go to the game because it was a big game against Alabama, who put the whoopin' on, so scalped tickets were pretty sky high. But we did a pretty good job of enjoying ourselves and it was a great 25th birthday. Thanks to everyone who texted, called, and left messages. You're pretty cool.

I probably told Moon an awesome joke.
Game Day.
He had an extra seat open.
My friend Kevin.
The Blackout in full effect. Kind of awesome this was right in front of the library.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Your Blog Is On Fire

This whole week is going to be awesome. For my unmarried and single readers, happy Unmarried and Single Americans Week. I would say that you should celebrate, but you probably do anyway since you're already unmarried and single. Let's all agree that this week we should just meet up and not talk about how miserable we are because we're not in a messed up relationship. Rather, let's eat, drink, and be merry.

Also, in case you were wondering why I haven't blogged in a few days I've been trying to get everything done before Friday because I'm leaving for Georgia for my birthday weekend. All I have to say is that if you're going to call, you might want to do so early on in the day. Our conversation may not so pleasant with 70,000 crazy Georgia football fans behind me.

Barbecue on the River is taking over Paducah this weekend. This is one of the big events in town each year and I'm a little disappointed that I will only get to go tonight. Please take some time to stop by the ZZL and 105.5 The Cat's booth coinciding with Martha's Vineyard. Martha is a tremendous lady who I have had a chance to work with on several occasions and all proceeds at her booth will go directly to helping her tremendous ministry. In fact, every single booth's proceeds go to charity which I think is awesome. Eat some bbq, have a drink, and help out causes all over our area.

And new The Office tonight. That IS what she said.

Lastly, the Kings of Leon CD came out Tuesday. It's very good, but they definitely picked the correct two songs to release as singles first. Sex on Fire has caught on fire lately and is quickly moving up the charts, especially after their appearance on SNL last Saturday. Use Somebody is my new favorite on the album. It's true. I totally want to slow dance to this song:

Virtual Redemption

Quick anecdote to start off the morning: I've sworn off my antiquated PS2 gaming system until I enter the modern age and either purchase a PS3 or Xbox 360. I'm not a huge gamer or anything, but it is something I do to pass up time rather than read another dorky book or shake my head at the asinine economic suggestions I hear on news talk shows. As a side note, I'm starting to totally become old. This comes as a realization during the week of my 25th birthday. I've noticed lately that while I watch the news I genuinely get pissed and have to turn the channel before my blood pressure starts to raise. I'm thinking I need a vacation.

So I guess I should clarify. I've sworn off my PS2 after I finish my career with #5 RHP Billy Simmons. He's now 40 years old and has won 9 Cy Young awards in a row. He throws an above average fastball to get ahead in the count early and then will throw in a mixture of sinkers if he needs a double play ball or a devastating slider for a timely strikeout. His out pitch is the changeup. He throws it sporadically but it seriously makes the rest of the league look foolish after they have been served up a steady diet of 95+ mph pitches inning by inning. Our virtual friend Mr. Simmons had a bit of a reputation however. He was always dominant during the regular season but for some reason could never put it together when it counted during October baseball. He either would get no run support and have a solo home run beat him or actually pitch well only to have his team fail despite his efforts and experience a disappointing post-season run.

Th 2029 season was starting to look like the same story that Atlanta Braves fans had seen unfold before. (Yeah, he's a Brave. They threw a lot of money his way and I accepted. I'm not even going to pretend like I wouldn't be a Scott Boras agent if I played in the Major Leagues.) They suffered a bit of a September collapse but still managed to win the Wild Card by 2 games. They made it to the NLCS and it ended up going 7 games against the Houston Astros. They lost Game 6 and Billy Simmons got his chance to toe the rubber in Game 7. In Houston. Ya know, that terrible stadium where a simple pop fly all of a sudden turns into a cheap home run? Well, anyway, after a solid performance and much-appreciated run support the Braves stole one away from Turner Field and advanced to the World Series against the New York Yankees. Mr. Simmons had only been to the World Series once in his career at a very early age. I'm sure he assumed that with his talent he would be able to carry his team to the 'ship every single year. Well, he was starting to feel redeemed with a second appearance to the Show in the twilight of his illustrious career. Since he pitched Game 7 of the NLCS he didn't get the nod until game 4 of the Series. The Braves already had a 2-1 advantage, certainly a little different outcome than the 1999 rendition of this match-up. Well, to curtail any kind of prolonged drama in rehashing the events, Simmons pitched one heck of a game. An eight inning, 2 hitter. The Braves won and ended up winning the 2029 World Series in front of their home crowd in five games. I can only imagine Simmons went absolutely nuts that night. I'm sure he made the rounds down Peachtree Street and was up all night only to call Mike and Mike in the morning to talk about his team's success. I bet he sat down the young kids on the team like up-and-comer Salvatore Huerta and told him to cherish the moment. You could wait your entire career and never reach this career pinnacle again. So, today, I just want to congratulate Billy Simmons. You'll probably play a few more seasons and rack up a few more records before you undoubtedly acquire an analyst position with a major network. But all of those individual milestones will never compare with the magical run that the Braves encountered in 2029. Well done sir. Well done.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Lou Holtz 4 Prethadent!

I'm not sure how your workplace is set up, if you even have a job, but my office/station LOVES signs. There are a ton of signs floating around and I'm not even sure that expression is that far from being accurate. And we're not talking about signs you buy at the sign store, rather straight up Word documents printed off or my personal favorites, the hand-written reminders throughout the station. You can't use the restroom, eat a meal in the break room, enter a door, without being reminded to do something. I want to make a sign that says I'm all signed out. If you can't figure out that a toilet runs after you flush it, maybe you shouldn't have the privilege of using it in the first place. I'm just saying.

Speaking of signs, I'm pretty sure College Gameday will be at the Georgia/Alabama game next Saturday that I will be attending. It would be great to make a sign that would have all the blogs laughing the next day. Lou Holtz's lisp is too obvious. Any suggestions?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

But Seriously, What Did She Say?

Several people have brought to my attention that if I just stop rambling so much maybe I would have enough time to post blogs more frequently, rather than trying to compete with Tolstoy every time I post. Well thanks for telling me how to operate my blog! I'm kidding of course. It's actually flattering to hear that at least 3 people want more of Cale's Corner. I just stole the power of 3 from American Pie 2 just there. And it's totally true by the way. Colleges and their promiscuous girls! And while we're at it, cite me another example of someone using Tolstoy and American Pie 2 in the same paragraph. 10 Schrutebucks says you can't do it.

Yesterday I busted out a "that's what she said". I do make fun of The Office, but it does make me laugh. Enjoy the video:

Monday, September 15, 2008

Blowin' In The Wind

I'm even starting today's blog in the morning. I never start writing in the morning. The morning should be reserved for yawning, being mad at the world, and picking eye boogers. How many did I gross out? Channeling John McCain, but not today friends. You know who else calls you friend? The hostess at Steak n' Shake. My friend Scotty and I went to the Paducah location a couple of months ago and she greeted us by saying "Hello friends. Welcome to Steak n' Shake." The joke was on her, however, because I'd never even met that girl before. She had two less friends than she thought she really had. She should have applied for this show. ANYWAY, I have some things to share this morning. For one, my apartment almost got blown away yesterday.

Kentucky's hurricane season hit yesterday morning. These seasons don't usually last long, but watch out! Your bluegrass might get uprooted. I woke up to a loud banging yesterday morning... is that what she said? (ANNOUNCER: New season of The Office coming September 25th! What will happen between Jim and Pam? Why did we have to see Dwight with his shirt off? Why do the writers think that anyone cares about what happens to Ryan? Wait, why are we still watching this show? September 25th! On NBC.) No, my window was a little loose and it was the best alarm clock ever. If I could only manufacture 75 mph winds every morning with a loose window then it would be on like Donkey Kong. I just had to erase Donkey Dong and replace it with Donkey Kong. Whoops. Oh, and click on that link if you're bored. One of the awesomest documentaries ever. Anyhoo, Mother Nature created a bit of a mess yesterday. Trees joining families for dinner, power outages, and radio stations not giving people their fill of Katy Perry. I'm not sure which of those scenarios is worse.
This is our station during the madness. It's supposed to depict the magnitude of the wind, but all I can notice is the lack of shrubbery.

So I try to get some breakfast yesterday. At noon. IHOP was packed. Cracker Barrel was crowded. So I went to this little waffle diner down the road. I walked in because there were people inside but it didn't dawn on me until I was already sitting down that the power was out. No music + not a lot of people + sitting in the dark = uncomfortability. I'm pretty sure I just invented that word. So the waitress tells me no waffles at the Waffle Hut. And let me tell you, the Hut as a restaurant name doesn't have quite the same gravitas. I get pancakes instead and I was very satisfied with this decision. So I'm almost done eating before I realize that the Hut probably wasn't going to accept credit cards because they had no power. I'm totally one of those guys that never carries cash. I use my card for everything. In fact, I'm pretty sure the gas station down the street is about tired of me buying my Powerades with my debit card almost every day. Let me just say, I DID NOT want to wash the Hut's dishes. I've seen those movies and they never have a happy ending. In an ideal world, I could've gone across the street and received some cash money from an ATM. No power. Luckily I did have one dollar on me, so the rest of the supply was hinging on the Caddy's infinite coin supply. Our lovely waitress allowed me to go to my car and get some more fundage. I looked under seats, in the glove box, in the trunk and eventually got enough money to pay the poor woman. Even a tip! I totally paid this poor woman in pennies. It was embarrassing to say the least. The incident totally reminded me of college when on Sundays I would have to fend for myself because the school's cafeteria wasn't open. I had to find enough change to get a nutritious meal at Taco Hell.

Oh, I watched V for Vendetta yesterday afternoon. Once again, better than watching the Rams. This movie always puts me in more of a Libertarian sort of mood. I leave you with this quote.

Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty. – Thomas Jefferson

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Tightening Up

I just can't stay away from this Cardinals team. They get swept by Houston two weekends ago and everyone starts talking about next year. Fast forward to last night and the Cards beat the Cubs, the Brewers lose to the Reds, the Phillies go down, and all of a sudden the Cardinals are right back in the Wild Card chase. They are too difficult of a team to just let us go in peace and watch baseball without scoreboard watching all evening long. They want me, and others such as myself, to agonize over them for the next three weeks. And you know what? I totally will. Instead of doing all those other awesome things I do in the evening like clean my bathroom (it's amazing how quickly bathrooms become dirty), not make eye contact with people at Noble Park, or cook dinner that could last me approximately 4.7 days, I'll just watch the Cardinals until they are mathematically eliminated. Sure as hell beats watching the Rams anyway.

So I was really tired yesterday morning and I got dressed really quickly. I go to work and put in my 72% productivity and go home. I go to the gym. I run some errands. After I'm done with pretending like I'm busy, I return back to the man palace and prepare for my shower. Well, guess what? What Cale? The entire day I was wearing my boxers inside out. I totally was. I went through the entire day without even a thought that my boxers might not be on correctly. You may think that's gross or just not funny, but that's not the point. It made me think about the one year that I went to camp when I was a kid. I was still pretty young I think. Maybe 5th grade? Anyway, I was a young kid but clearly old enough to not have my initials marked on my underwear by my mother with a Sharpie. Don't think that didn't stop her. So I go to camp, sing funny songs with frog puppets, eat terrible food, kill kids in touch football, and next thing I know it's the end of the week. The entire week I was in a room with a bunch of boys that I didn't previously know. Most of them were from the Chicago area. As I can remember, I got along with all of them. There was one kid, however, named J.D. that was a bit unusual. He was a nice kid, but just a little different. He was totally that kid who just snotted on everything and looked like he was about two meals away from appearing on a Feed the Children commerical. So by the end of the week there was a pair of whitey tighties hanging in the bathroom. Wait. Why do we say pair for underwear? If it's just one article of underwear, then it wouldn't make much of a pair would it? Correction: There were some whitey tighties.. (whitey tighty?) hanging in the bathroom all week. No one bothered to take it off the hanger because boys are gross and we like to smell weird things. So it's Friday and everyone is packing up and I'm trying to field all the little girls' requests for their picture to be taken with me and the only thing left is this underwear just hanging in our bathroom. Our counselor is getting a little annoyed by this and is asking everyone in our room if they know who owns the mystery undergarment. So he asks my little buddy J.D.

Counselor: J.D., is that your underwear in the bathroom? It looks like it's about your size.

J.D.: (Not looking up from his Gameboy) Nope. I already tried them on. They're too saggy.

Counselor: (Looking absolutely disgusted) Oh. That's really gross J.D.

If you were looking for something to wear to show your love, I found the perfect shirt for you. It might be embarrassing how many people you'll start seeing wearing these shirts around. Catch the wave before it passes you by.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Heck Do Ya Mean?

Along with the rest of the country, I'm fascinated by Sarah Palin. Politics aside, she really does seem like an unique individual. By the way, just so you know, I always use the adjective "unique" when I'm talking about hippies, complete weirdos, or women who wear their hair up and librarian glasses. I'll let you decide what category she falls in. Sarah Palin is well... she's attractive. I guarantee some Eskimos have some serious crushes on our possible next Vice President. I think it makes her even more attractive that she's a bit crazy as well. Ya know, all that seceding nonsense, trying to fire her former brother-in-law, strangling small animals. I think I made that last part up. But seriously, Geraldine Ferraro doesn't even come close to Mrs. Palin. And Palin gets immediate bonus points for probably being the only possible Vice President who has given us Iditarod highlights...But don't take my word for it!!

I remember now why I hated the movie Fargo so much. That accent is awful! However, this does immediately increase the odds of the "Boom Goes The Dynamite!" guy becoming our VP in 2024.