Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Tightening Up

I just can't stay away from this Cardinals team. They get swept by Houston two weekends ago and everyone starts talking about next year. Fast forward to last night and the Cards beat the Cubs, the Brewers lose to the Reds, the Phillies go down, and all of a sudden the Cardinals are right back in the Wild Card chase. They are too difficult of a team to just let us go in peace and watch baseball without scoreboard watching all evening long. They want me, and others such as myself, to agonize over them for the next three weeks. And you know what? I totally will. Instead of doing all those other awesome things I do in the evening like clean my bathroom (it's amazing how quickly bathrooms become dirty), not make eye contact with people at Noble Park, or cook dinner that could last me approximately 4.7 days, I'll just watch the Cardinals until they are mathematically eliminated. Sure as hell beats watching the Rams anyway.

So I was really tired yesterday morning and I got dressed really quickly. I go to work and put in my 72% productivity and go home. I go to the gym. I run some errands. After I'm done with pretending like I'm busy, I return back to the man palace and prepare for my shower. Well, guess what? What Cale? The entire day I was wearing my boxers inside out. I totally was. I went through the entire day without even a thought that my boxers might not be on correctly. You may think that's gross or just not funny, but that's not the point. It made me think about the one year that I went to camp when I was a kid. I was still pretty young I think. Maybe 5th grade? Anyway, I was a young kid but clearly old enough to not have my initials marked on my underwear by my mother with a Sharpie. Don't think that didn't stop her. So I go to camp, sing funny songs with frog puppets, eat terrible food, kill kids in touch football, and next thing I know it's the end of the week. The entire week I was in a room with a bunch of boys that I didn't previously know. Most of them were from the Chicago area. As I can remember, I got along with all of them. There was one kid, however, named J.D. that was a bit unusual. He was a nice kid, but just a little different. He was totally that kid who just snotted on everything and looked like he was about two meals away from appearing on a Feed the Children commerical. So by the end of the week there was a pair of whitey tighties hanging in the bathroom. Wait. Why do we say pair for underwear? If it's just one article of underwear, then it wouldn't make much of a pair would it? Correction: There were some whitey tighties.. (whitey tighty?) hanging in the bathroom all week. No one bothered to take it off the hanger because boys are gross and we like to smell weird things. So it's Friday and everyone is packing up and I'm trying to field all the little girls' requests for their picture to be taken with me and the only thing left is this underwear just hanging in our bathroom. Our counselor is getting a little annoyed by this and is asking everyone in our room if they know who owns the mystery undergarment. So he asks my little buddy J.D.

Counselor: J.D., is that your underwear in the bathroom? It looks like it's about your size.

J.D.: (Not looking up from his Gameboy) Nope. I already tried them on. They're too saggy.

Counselor: (Looking absolutely disgusted) Oh. That's really gross J.D.

If you were looking for something to wear to show your love, I found the perfect shirt for you. It might be embarrassing how many people you'll start seeing wearing these shirts around. Catch the wave before it passes you by.


Joey Jo Jo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joey Jo Jo said...

Just so you know, I laughed harder at you typing "man palace" than I did your whole story about wearing your underwear inside out. And easy with the Phillies talk, my tears haven't fully dried yet.

And yes, I deleted my first post because there was a spelling error.

Busy Momma said...

Your camp story made me spit out my water... and I've even heard it before! Doesn't take much to entertain me, does it?

Blessed Mama said...

I love your stories. And I definitely want the shirt!

Busy Momma said...

You should totally get us the shirts for Christmas!!!

LissaLou said...

That camp story cracks me up every time!!! So did you design that shirt? I want it! I think we should each buy these for our stocking stuffers gifts this Christmas.