Friday, December 19, 2008

Top Albums of 2008

If you were wondering why I hadn't written anything in a while, it's because my blog post count was up to 42. I wanted to stay on that number for a while. Because it's the best number on the planet. It's divisible by 3 which makes it even awesomer. 3 is a magic number. Speaking of 3, 15 is also divisible by 3. Let's talk about music and lists and albums of 2008 and pleasure for our ears and run-on sentences.

Top 15 Albums of 2008 as Prescribed by Cale Simmons

15. Albert Hammond Jr. - Como te Llama

Who knew he had it in him? Unless of course you enjoyed his debut album in 2006, which I didn't really ever familiarize myself with. The Strokes guitarist definitely has his own sound compared to his other band's dance rock. He doesn't always have the most pleasant pitch on his tracks, but there's certainly some tunes worth checking out including my favorite GfC.

14. Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes

Sarcasm alert: You would ever guess that this band is from Seattle, with their funereal lyrics and often somber tone. Alert off: However, despite the weight of some of the pieces in their full-length debut album the Fleet Foxes suck you in. Known for their musicianship, (Alert back on) they have won over Europe so you KNOW they must be good.

13. Conor Oberst - Conor Oberst

If you notice, people are getting very creative with their album titles. Other than the unoriginal name, the always opinionated Oberst is just showing off on this Merge Records compilation that came out on my mother's birthday in August. If you like Bright Eyes, you'll get about the same thing from the lead man's solo tracks. Talent oozing out of your speakers and also a good bit of political commentary.

12. She & Him - Volume One

I sincerely hope that it's called Volume One because this duo is planning on producing more music in the future. It's been noted before that I have a HUGE crush on Zooey Deschanel, and she can actually sing unlike most other actresses who pretend they they have musical talent. Teaming up with M. Ward, this folksy twosome has a consistent theme throughout Volume One - under-powering presence of instruments and the soulful sound of Ms. Deschanel. Have I mentioned I would seriously marry this girl?

11. Beach House - Devotion

Showing that there's more to Baltimore than Michael Phelps, crab cakes, and Ray Lewis' ego, Beach House is a welcome addition to the subtly electronic craze that has infiltrated the music scene for the past few years. They are a new find for me, and the more I listen to the band the more I find myself listening to similar works such as Grizzly Bear. With no influences listed on their MySpace page despite a Roy Orbison video, you have to admit that this newcomer band has followed the niche that no one really can predict the imminent shelf life. +1 for sleepy time.

10. We Are Scientists - Brain Thrust Mastery

The opening act for Kings of Leon's latest tour, this Brooklyn group has hit the ground running since their arrival in 2006. Touring almost non-stop, they have almost willfully forced themselves onto the scene with a heavy onslaught of live shows and obvious talent that's pretty hard to ignore. Buy We Are Scientists stock now, it's only going to go up.

9. The Raveonettes - Lust Lust Lust

Showing yet again that I am not completely prejudiced against female vocals, this male/female duo from Denmark showed their chops with an eclectic mix that sucked you in from the get-go. Sounding a lot like a more refined version of electronic band M83, you pick up very quickly on The Velvet Underground's influence on this band. I think at one point I listened to Aly, Walk With Me ten times in a row. I have since recovered.

8. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular

Some close friends may be confused by MGMT's standing at numero ocho. With the exception of #1 on the list, this album probably got more plays than any other on this humble countdown. It's fun, simple, and straightforward. My grandpa likes to tap his foot, the kids like to dance. Both can accomplish their goals with this compilation. It's not fancy, but it gets the job done. If you saw the blackjack movie 21, MGMT'S song Time to Pretend was the background to the opening credits. And now you know.

7. The Black Keys - Attack & Release

It's a simple recipe for The Black Keys. A formulaic, blues-driven hodgepodge that once it comes together doesn't really sound too mapped out at all. With seemingly every jam band/blues group that plays in bars across America covering a few Keys' songs, this duo struck another chord with Attack & Release. Finally garnering commercial success as well as appreciation from fellow musicians, this is an album that you can listen to over and over again and get something new from it every single time.

6. The Hold Steady - Stay Positive

With storytelling lyrics that make them sound more like a Southern rock group, this band from Brooklyn made a huge breakthrough in 2008 with Stay Positive that caters to anyone who likes to sing loudly in the car about the trials of being an indecisive 20 or 30s something. Yeah, I can relate to what they're singing about. But not only that, they're just fun. You can get excited about going to one of their shows, which I need to do very soon. Also, did I mention Harry Potter is a fan?

5. The Walkmen - You & Me

If I was a movie director, I would probably not be writing this blog. At least on an unadvertised blog. I would make people pay money to sponsor my blog and then blab on about politics and probably use the word "loathe" often. Also, I would put The Walkmen's music in a lot of my movies. They have the perfect kind of music that's complimentary when people are walking in slow motion or giving each other high fives. That's all I have to say about The Walkmen. Oh, and here's a song for New Year's.

4. My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges

Yet again, another band that has been around for quite some time and finally has earned the praise of mainstream outlets. Not that being recognized is a vital thing, but I'm one of the few that actually enjoys when a band becomes accepted widely as long as they don't completely forget what got them there in the first place. I was *this close* to buying a plane ticket to go see them play live at Madison Square Garden in New York City this year for New Year's Eve. Instead, I'll just have to find a nice librarian at whatever establishment I end up attending and croon to her.

3. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend

If you're not familiar with this band, do not be discouraged by the name. They are as witty and smart in their lyrics as they come. With what some has described as an Afrobeat sound, these Brooklyn boys produced an incredible EP that makes you wonder why more bands don't take a chance musically. It's too hard to pick a favorite song from the album, as every song is another brilliant variation of the next. My pick, however, might be Oxford Comma. How fantastic is this?

2. Okkervil River - The Stand Ins

Rising out of the maelstrom that is the Austin music scene, Okkervil River (pronounced AWK-ur-vil) released The Stand Ins in September of this year equaling an as impressive 2007 The Stage Names. The latest album is meant to be a sequel to the aforementioned album and certainly does not disappoint. With superb vocal harmonies and an much-advertised stage presence, Okkervil River asserted themselves as one of my favorite bands over this past year. Imagine yourself on a beach somewhere with a drink in your hand as you're relaxing to Lost Coastlines. Feel it?

1. Kings of Leon - Only By the Night

Surprise surprise! Following their prime spot on my list last year with Because of the Times, KOL catapulted themselves into bona fide musical celebrities with my birthday gift Only By the Night. I'm not sure what the tipping point with these guys was that made them into a concert must see, SNL hit, festival rock stars, and favorite of B list celebrities. Maybe people just started to realize that this very young family band from Nashville is seriously superb. You know what you're going to get form Kings of Leon. Blossoming prodigies on guitar and a unique, yet convincing sound of leadman Caleb Followill. I'm really happy for their success, despite that it's still a struggle for them to hold time on the radio. Oh well. Buy the album. You'll be glad you did. Oh, and also congratulations on their Grammy nods. Pretty cool stuff.

That's it. I may disagree with my own list a few weeks from now, but that's what I came up with. Here are some honorable mentions in no particular order:

TV on the Radio, Cat Power, Kanye West, Jenny Lewis, & Calexico.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Giving Spanks

Shut up. I know I haven't been around lately. Let's go...

I got a new phone and it scares me. I'm pretty sure it's smarter than I am. Actually, I guarantee it's smarter than me. I can't even figure out how Kerry Collins is on a 11-1 team and why people in Atlanta still wear Michael Vick jerseys instead of rooting for the best rookie QB in, well... ever.

I denied a "Pray for Sarah Palin" group on Facebook the other day. That doesn't mean I don't want to pray for her though, so don't be offended. I just don't want the whole world to know how much I miss her. If only Fox News would go to Alaska and see what she's up to. Send Greta. No one will know the difference between frostbite or a laser surgery on her face gone awry anyway.

Inspired to do so by BFA and B Whitt, I finally watched all of High Fidelity the other day. I'm not sure why I hadn't watched it before. It combines all of my favorite things; being a music snob, making lists, Lisa Bonet, and finding good things in unexpected places. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving last week here are 5 things that I am thankful for:

1) Health
2) Family
3) Friends
4) Technology
5) Charles Barkley

My status update on Facebook on Thanksgiving mentioned how my holiday in 2003 was a little rough. Several people asked me why. Want a quick recap? Recap is pacer backwards by the way. Did you know desserts spelled backwards is stressed? It's just a coincidence though so don't think that just because you get stressed it's OK to stuff your face with chocolate cake. The wording is all a conspiracy by Betty Crocker anyway.

2003 Recap: I was working at Best Buy so I couldn't go home for Thanksgiving due to Black Friday. I was (dating, talking, kissing, whatever) a girl in Clearwater, FL, so I went to go hang out with her on the beach for a while on Thanksgiving morning. I ate Subway for lunch. That was the highlight. The car my dad bought for me on eBay did not too well on the way home on I-4, only one of the busiest interstates in America. My engine blew out with no shoulder in a part of Tampa you wouldn't wish your worst enemies to be stranded. I ended up being completely broke down at a stoplight in Ybor City. A prostitute steered my car while I pushed it across the street towards a parking lot. A man told me he could help fix it while I was waiting for Triple A. He ended up offering to sell me drugs. He left. A man drove up to the same parking lot and told me he got so baked at Thanksgiving he forgot his dog. He offered to sell me drugs. I politely declined. The Triple A guy finally came. He took me and my car to the shop telling me about how his dad was a jerk and made him work on Thanksgiving and how he couldn't stand his life. I signed the papers. He hugged me and thanked me for listening. I was baffled. I tried for another hour trying to find someone from school to come pick me up from Lakeland. An acquaintance finally did. He asked me to go out that night. I again politely declined. I went straight to my apartment and shook my head in amazement.

Moral of the story: Don't ever eat Subway for your Thanksgiving meal. That, and make sure the car you're purchasing isn't a lemon before you buy one on eBay.

This week's favorite song is Geraldine by Glasvegas. Enjoy.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It's Always Sunny in Paducah

If you're coming here from the Paducah Sun plug, know that I don't put nearly as much time and effort into my blog as I really should. You know how John McCain kept repeating that Americans are the hardest working people on the planet? I beg to differ.

Anyway, for those of you here is today's excerpt from the Current section. The prompted question was "What was the last commercial that made you laugh?" Ha! Laughing. That's funny. So of course I redirected the question into what I wanted to talk about as I do pretty much every week.

I guess this would be an appropriate week to let everyone know that I have no sense of humor whatsoever. It's true. I stopped giving courtesy laughs to others' jokes several years ago after I had broke up with a girlfriend and she told me that my fake laugh sounded like a cross between a hyena and a disinterested bird. (It didn't make any sense to me either.)

So, when others around me are laughing at cavemen who hate insurance companies or Justin Timberlake being dragged down a busy street, I just politely smile. I'm just waiting for a QVC slip-up or Joe Scarborough to drop another f-bomb on live TV. Now that's entertainment!

That happened.

Monday, November 17, 2008


Congratulations to Albert Pujols, winner of the 2008 National League MVP. Well done sir. Well done.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sunday Broody Sunday

I'm working on a Sunday. I'll come out and say it... I do not enjoy working on Sundays. I'll tell you why. Magical things happen on Sundays. It's true. Just try sitting around on the first day of the week without something unexpected, awesome, inspiring, or maybe a combination of all three happening. I'm a single guy. I live alone. I do not really enjoy being alone very often, so I try to find things to do to occupy my spare time like volunteering for fake charities or writing inappropriate e-mails from patrons' accounts at the library when they get up to print some papers. Sundays, however, are different. Much different my friends. You just sit in a chair and bask in the Sundayness and things will start poppin'. I'm telling you, it's true. But when I have to work on Sunday, it cuts into the basking which I am very disappointed about.

Have I ever told you guys that I absolutely despise the word potty? It's seriously the worst word ever. We play a commercial that prominently uses that word and I cringe every time.

While we're at it, here are some other things that perturb me.

- People who learn a new word and insist on using it incessantly. You'll pick a word like incessantly and accidentally say incestly anyway. There's no need.

- Haters. Don't be a hater. Just because I'm an amazing dancer, you don't have to be jealous.

- Burning something as a protest. Fire is dangerous. Everyone knows spitting gets the point across way better anyway.

- The phrase "golly gee".

- People who insist on rhyming everything. I'm sure there are some Billys who aren't silly and some Barrys who aren't fairies.

- People who ask other people if they've noticed something different about them. That puts too much pressure on the other person. If you want people to know you've lost a ton of weight, wear really baggy pants and a headband.

- Soft phone conversations in public. Can you please speak up? If you're not loud enough, no one can hear what you're saying. It's really rude.

- When girls insist that they are going to go crazy if they don't get chocolate. Suck it up. Boys want a cold drink and to watch a game all the time. But we don't leave work to do so.

- Finally, the lady who has called me non-stop for the past two weeks. I'm tired of listening to your manufactured sappy stories that you think will prompt me to dedicate a song to you. And I don't want to dedicate a song to myself either. That doesn't even make sense. Especially the song titles that you give me. You're kind of gross. Either act like a civil human being or stop calling. It bothers me that I recognize your voice within the first .5 seconds that you start your screeching. And no, I don't want to attend your bonfire. So weird.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

She Moves Like a Breeze

I guess I don't have much to say lately. I've been pretty focused on getting some things done lately. Ya know, important things like playing copious amounts of Scrabble and listening to weird music. Also, of course I always have time for YouTube clips. This is an old favorite of mine. We listened to this constantly the summer of 2005 when I was an intern for the minor league baseball team Savannah Sand Gnats. I had forgotten all about it until today. Notice the fantastic dance moves. Quality stuff...

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Snuggie Blankie is Whackie

I had seen this commercial before, but last night I had the wherewithal to write down the name so I could look on YouTube today to find it. I'm not really one for courtesy laughs or laughing out loud at commercials, but this one cracks me up. I'm not even sure why. Maybe it's the black and white depiction of the poor woman struggling so mightily to answer the phone without getting cold. Maybe it's that these people look like they are either wearing hideous choir robes or are in some kind of fleece cult. My favorite moment is right around the 1:05 mark when the entire family is sitting in the stands at a game. No chance I'm sitting by that family if I'm there. I don't want to be handed any propaganda or hear any renditions of 4-part harmony "The Lord's Prayer" while I'm at a sporting event.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I Need Your Sticker For Another Coffee

Today is the big day. I've been looking forward to November 4th, 2008, for a very long time now. It's true that presidents don't play as big of a role as most people think. It's as important to vote for your Congressmen or Congresswomen as it is for the next president of our country. However, this is a key election and either way I'm ready for change. I don't think that's out of bounds to say. It upsets me when people assume that just because I'm young I'm uneducated and don't understand the political scene. I would like to think that I do a pretty darn good job of educating myself on the issues and the candidates. Whatever is important to you... the war, the economy, immigration, the environment, shipping American jobs overseas, education, Social Security, health care... this is an opportunity to have your voice heard. So don't be the one to say that your vote doesn't matter. It does. It's important to exercise your right and participate in such a patriotic act. Oh, sorry. Patriot Act. Touchy subject.

Key elections always remind me of the years that I worked at a law firm close to St. Louis in Madison County, Illinois. Let's just say that tort reform is about a foreign word in Madison County as uncontroversial voting is in Florida. Whoops. Both examples I used weren't words at all, rather phrases. You catch the drift. Anyway, the moral of the story is that the law firm had their eyes on particular judges winning the election so everyone could continue making mass amounts of money. (By the way, I'm still not totally sure how I feel about that time in my life. Let's just agree that we won't have an argument about tort reform now, OK? It will just make my head spin. Thank you.)

Anyway, my job on election day was to pick up people and take them to the polls. I actually enjoyed doing this. You never knew what was going to happen and it was at least more entertaining than pretending like I was working all day long. That's hard work! So, I would haul people around in my car and hear from every single one of them how I should put 20's on my Cadillac. People refuse to accept that I'm cool by driving a Caddy until I put bigger rims on my tires. What they don't know, though, is that I'm already cool because I know every single word to R. Kelly's "Ignition" as well as most words to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire". Umm... scratch the last one. I forgot that I was just bored and wasn't trying to be cool.

So I hope all of my friends in Madison County have a ride this year. I'll be thinking of you. Vote! And try to not get into any fights tomorrow at work.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Beat Addiction, Not Your Phone

I'm at the station today, even though I'm not working. I feel very productive. I'm working on a project, about to go to the park for a run, and am planning on cleaning my kitchen tonight. I'm trying to get my mind off that dumb dumb dumb dumb Texas corner who had an interception in the bag and dropped the easiest ball ever. #1 to #5. I guess it could be worse. There's no chance that Alabama remains undefeated and their win over Georgia doesn't look so impressive anymore due to the beating they took yesterday against Florida. I think I'm just venting.

And I would like to congratulate my phone for not blowing up in 57 different pieces after I abused it last night. It never has to take me back but it always does. Love shall prevail. But I promise that I'll be better. I just get a little crazy sometimes, but I can't imagine a life without it. Except for of course that I ordered a new phone on the internet a few weeks back. But let's keep that secret between me and you.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Don't Think She's a Fan

Alright, I told you a couple of weeks ago that I wasn't going to get too political on here. However, when a woman called me up and was slurring her speech and going on a rant about anything and everything I had to record it. Here is the video and I apologize for the shoddy video editing skills. This is not necessarily a commentary, rather a representation of her thoughts and words in visual form.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Video Time!

I would say a good portion of my day is spent on YouTube. Enjoy the following viral wonders. They're currently some of my favorite.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Carvin' Up a Storm

You know how a couple of weeks ago I said how I would try to keep the posts focused and embrace brevity? Well, I don't think today is going to be one of those days. You've been forewarned.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words about the entries in the Current section of the Paducah Sun on Thursdays. It's been a lot of fun so far and I appreciate Adam Shull asking me to participate. And if you get tired of reading mine, at least Laura K is to my left. She's way prettier than me!

How famous do you have to be to endorse a candidate, rather than support him or her? Do handlers ever get upset at Larry King Live for not throwing out the endorsement tag? I'm betting so. Speaking of the background of TV shows, it would be really funny if a smart, talented, woman from Chicago wrote and starred in a show about the backdrop of a SNL-type show. I bet that would be really funny. I bet it would win awards. I bet no one would watch the show until she ingeniously imitated a Journalism major student from the University of Idaho who likes to shoot moose.

I went out a couple of times over the weekend. I forgot how ridiculously friendly people are in St. Louis. It was awesome. I had so many random conversations with people throughout the weekend and I wasn't even pretending to care either. What a fantastic town.

I'm going to carve a pumpkin tonight. I haven't completely decided on a design, but I know that I need to step up my game after Scotty G completed this masterpiece the other night. Whatever your political views, you have to admit this is pretty impressive! Yes we carve!

World Series prediction: The Rays are flying high right now. I would rather have my team riding some momentum into the Series than having more than a week off and setting the pitching rotation. The Rays can hit any kind of pitcher. They can adjust to Blanton's heat, Cole's changeup, or Jamie Moyer's batting practice pitches. I think the bullpens are pretty even with maybe a slight edge to the Phillies but it will certainly be interesting to see how David Price is used at the end of ballgames by Rays' manager Joe Maddon. It is scary to think how good the Rays are going to be for years and years to come. I think the Phillies come out strong tonight behind a strong performance by Cole Hamels. Rays win Game 2 and then ride the wave into Philly winning 2 out of 2 games and then finishing in front of the home crowd in 6 games. Rays in 6. There's your pick. I'm just ready for some baseball.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Oogley Googley

This new feature by Google was in the news yesterday. Here is an excerpt:

{Sometimes I send messages I shouldn't send. Like the time I told that girl I had a crush on her over text message. Or the time I sent that late night email to my ex-girlfriend that we should get back together. Gmail can't always prevent you from sending messages you might later regret, but today we're launching a new Labs feature I wrote called Mail Goggles which may help.

When you enable Mail Goggles, it will check that you're really sure you want to send that late night Friday email. And what better way to check than by making you solve a few simple math problems after you click send to verify you're in the right state of mind?}

This is fantastic stuff. The feature is only available on the weekends during late night hours, times that one may be be more inclined to send such messages. I could name names right now of some friends of mine that this tool would have come in very handy in the past. Facebook and MySpace should definitely jump on board. I thought of some other questions other than simple math solutions that may also help with this preventative measure...

-On a scale of 1-10, how much will your friends laugh at you if they could read this message?

-What does VIP stand for?

Better yet, why not just institute a breathalyzer? This should also be applicable to late night trips to eBay or really anywhere that it's possible to spend money. We have the technology for cars, why not computers? I accept this as my mission. I'm going to write my Congressman and I ask that you do the same.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Where's Thomas Wayne When You Need Him?

Tomorrow embarks the beginning of my submissions to a weekly feature in the Current section of the Paducah Sun. Me, along with several other bloggers from around town will write a short piece as a response to a prompted question every Thursday in the paper. Thanks to Adam Shull for asking me to participate. So, since there's a plug for the website and all I figured maybe I should actually behave like a blogger and write today. Crazy concept I know.

Since the last time we talked I really only have two short stories to share. And also perhaps gloat about the Cubs' predictable demise in the playoffs. So last week I received a call in my studio from an elderly lady named Fay. The ZZL line is apparently only one digit away from a drugstore nearby so every once in a while we'll get calls that were meant to be directed to them. So my friend Fay calls me up and I explain to her that is was not the drugstore, rather a radio station. Here is our exchange:

Cale: I'm sorry ma'am. You have the wrong number. This is a radio station.
Fay: OOOOOOOhhhhhh!!! I'm on the radio!!!?????!!!
Cale: No, sorry ma'am. This is just the studio line. We're not actually on the radio right now.
Fay: I've never been on the radio before. My grand kids are never going to believe this! What kind of music do you play?
Cale: Well, we play rock music. Do you like to rock out?
Fay: Oh yes. I can't believe this! Hold on while I get a piece of paper so I can write your name down...... Ok, spell your name.
Cale: C-A-L-E.
Fay: Are you giving anything away?
Cale: Not really. But I can give you a free lunch if you come see me.

The rest of the story is a little personal. We seriously flirted for about 20 minutes. I asked her if she dates much and she said that her grand kids don't allow her to date, but she would love to sneak me out and take me to lunch. I asked if she likes to dance and she said that she used to do the Jitterbug. We agreed that she would teach me the Jitterbug and I would teach her how to get low. We talked about Chicago since we both lived near the same area. She told me about her kids, her grand kids. I told her about my niece's birthday and mine coinciding and my trip to Georgia. I gave her the number to the drugstore she was looking for and asked if she could bring me a Powerade because I was thirsty. So, Fay, if you're reading - your free lunch is waiting. Stop on by anytime. As soon as I get off work, we'll go to O'Charley's and talk some more. After I told this story to people they all mentioned that I probably made her day. Maybe. But I'm also positive that my friend Fay made my day as well.

That was the cool story. The disheartening story was that I fell off my bike Monday morning. Just ate it. Like a little boy. Like a sad little boy. I had a flat tire on my car so I had to ride my bike to work and I was trying to get out of the way of a tractor trailer and I just crashed. I went about four different directions before I finally fell and if anyone saw this incident, you're welcome. I'm sure it was hilarious. The part that's not hilarious? A skinned knee and wrists that look like I'm recreating a MTV: True Life episode about cutters. I felt really dumb, but this was not the first time I've had an accident on a bike in my adult years. Go figure. Ya know, because I did a great job of staying injury-free in high school. For those of you who know me, you know that's a joke. Anyway, I'm all bandaged up and feeling much better now. Thank you. I do need some comfort though. I very well may participate in next week's national holiday. It's ok if your teddy bear has a Cardinals jersey. Everyone knows that.

Alright, check out the paper tomorrow. Have a great day!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Did Reagan Ever Sign A Treaty?

As expected, the post from earlier has created a bit of a firestorm within my immediate family. They have mentioned retribution and possibly even a "this is war" has been uttered. This would be an appropriate time to call a truce, no? Just know that I have the whole album. There are closeups. I could go on all month long. Interesting how this is the month of Halloween with some of these outfits that I'm seeing though. I'm just sayin...

Toucan Zoo Your Next Stop

The last time I was home I took one of the photo albums from my parents' house so I could scan some pictures. There's a bunch of me as a little kid, and I may decide to post them, but this picture certainly deserves its own entry. I mean, really??!? Just look at my dad's shorts. That's embarrassing even now. And I'm sure my sisters won't be terribly happy with me either, but c'mon. This is hilarious! Enjoy...

White Russian

I meant to put this on yesterday, but I didn't have time. Genius. Pure genius. Amy Poehler's part of course.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

When In Athens...Yes?

I figured I would give a bit of a short recap about last weekend. Right after work on Friday Scotty G and I made the 7 hour trip down to Athens, GA for the weekend. 7 hours, unfortunately, turned into 8.5 hours because Scotty has the smallest bladder known to mankind and also they don't believe in selling gas at gas stations in Georgia. I'm pretty sure we got the last bit of gasoline south of Atlanta on our way down and it was pure luck. There's some kind of shortage going on and several people were going to be stranded in Athens after the game until more gas became available. I'll tell you one thing though. It's not a bad town to be stranded. It's relatively small, but a college town for sure. We went downtown on Friday night after we arrived and I had never seen so many people just walking around on a strip. There were even lines for falafels.

Saturday we walked all over the campus and ended up tailgating right in front of the library. Yeah, how awesome is that? I had been to one SEC game before and I laugh every time. This is people's religion. Some of the tents set up to grill out and have a good time all day before the evening game were ridiculously ornate. The outfits were incredible. A lot of the guys dress up, with their clown look-a-like red Georgia pants and all the girls get dolled up. It's a different culture for sure. But I loved it. Every single minute. We didn't actually get to go to the game because it was a big game against Alabama, who put the whoopin' on, so scalped tickets were pretty sky high. But we did a pretty good job of enjoying ourselves and it was a great 25th birthday. Thanks to everyone who texted, called, and left messages. You're pretty cool.

I probably told Moon an awesome joke.
Game Day.
He had an extra seat open.
My friend Kevin.
The Blackout in full effect. Kind of awesome this was right in front of the library.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Your Blog Is On Fire

This whole week is going to be awesome. For my unmarried and single readers, happy Unmarried and Single Americans Week. I would say that you should celebrate, but you probably do anyway since you're already unmarried and single. Let's all agree that this week we should just meet up and not talk about how miserable we are because we're not in a messed up relationship. Rather, let's eat, drink, and be merry.

Also, in case you were wondering why I haven't blogged in a few days I've been trying to get everything done before Friday because I'm leaving for Georgia for my birthday weekend. All I have to say is that if you're going to call, you might want to do so early on in the day. Our conversation may not so pleasant with 70,000 crazy Georgia football fans behind me.

Barbecue on the River is taking over Paducah this weekend. This is one of the big events in town each year and I'm a little disappointed that I will only get to go tonight. Please take some time to stop by the ZZL and 105.5 The Cat's booth coinciding with Martha's Vineyard. Martha is a tremendous lady who I have had a chance to work with on several occasions and all proceeds at her booth will go directly to helping her tremendous ministry. In fact, every single booth's proceeds go to charity which I think is awesome. Eat some bbq, have a drink, and help out causes all over our area.

And new The Office tonight. That IS what she said.

Lastly, the Kings of Leon CD came out Tuesday. It's very good, but they definitely picked the correct two songs to release as singles first. Sex on Fire has caught on fire lately and is quickly moving up the charts, especially after their appearance on SNL last Saturday. Use Somebody is my new favorite on the album. It's true. I totally want to slow dance to this song:

Virtual Redemption

Quick anecdote to start off the morning: I've sworn off my antiquated PS2 gaming system until I enter the modern age and either purchase a PS3 or Xbox 360. I'm not a huge gamer or anything, but it is something I do to pass up time rather than read another dorky book or shake my head at the asinine economic suggestions I hear on news talk shows. As a side note, I'm starting to totally become old. This comes as a realization during the week of my 25th birthday. I've noticed lately that while I watch the news I genuinely get pissed and have to turn the channel before my blood pressure starts to raise. I'm thinking I need a vacation.

So I guess I should clarify. I've sworn off my PS2 after I finish my career with #5 RHP Billy Simmons. He's now 40 years old and has won 9 Cy Young awards in a row. He throws an above average fastball to get ahead in the count early and then will throw in a mixture of sinkers if he needs a double play ball or a devastating slider for a timely strikeout. His out pitch is the changeup. He throws it sporadically but it seriously makes the rest of the league look foolish after they have been served up a steady diet of 95+ mph pitches inning by inning. Our virtual friend Mr. Simmons had a bit of a reputation however. He was always dominant during the regular season but for some reason could never put it together when it counted during October baseball. He either would get no run support and have a solo home run beat him or actually pitch well only to have his team fail despite his efforts and experience a disappointing post-season run.

Th 2029 season was starting to look like the same story that Atlanta Braves fans had seen unfold before. (Yeah, he's a Brave. They threw a lot of money his way and I accepted. I'm not even going to pretend like I wouldn't be a Scott Boras agent if I played in the Major Leagues.) They suffered a bit of a September collapse but still managed to win the Wild Card by 2 games. They made it to the NLCS and it ended up going 7 games against the Houston Astros. They lost Game 6 and Billy Simmons got his chance to toe the rubber in Game 7. In Houston. Ya know, that terrible stadium where a simple pop fly all of a sudden turns into a cheap home run? Well, anyway, after a solid performance and much-appreciated run support the Braves stole one away from Turner Field and advanced to the World Series against the New York Yankees. Mr. Simmons had only been to the World Series once in his career at a very early age. I'm sure he assumed that with his talent he would be able to carry his team to the 'ship every single year. Well, he was starting to feel redeemed with a second appearance to the Show in the twilight of his illustrious career. Since he pitched Game 7 of the NLCS he didn't get the nod until game 4 of the Series. The Braves already had a 2-1 advantage, certainly a little different outcome than the 1999 rendition of this match-up. Well, to curtail any kind of prolonged drama in rehashing the events, Simmons pitched one heck of a game. An eight inning, 2 hitter. The Braves won and ended up winning the 2029 World Series in front of their home crowd in five games. I can only imagine Simmons went absolutely nuts that night. I'm sure he made the rounds down Peachtree Street and was up all night only to call Mike and Mike in the morning to talk about his team's success. I bet he sat down the young kids on the team like up-and-comer Salvatore Huerta and told him to cherish the moment. You could wait your entire career and never reach this career pinnacle again. So, today, I just want to congratulate Billy Simmons. You'll probably play a few more seasons and rack up a few more records before you undoubtedly acquire an analyst position with a major network. But all of those individual milestones will never compare with the magical run that the Braves encountered in 2029. Well done sir. Well done.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Lou Holtz 4 Prethadent!

I'm not sure how your workplace is set up, if you even have a job, but my office/station LOVES signs. There are a ton of signs floating around and I'm not even sure that expression is that far from being accurate. And we're not talking about signs you buy at the sign store, rather straight up Word documents printed off or my personal favorites, the hand-written reminders throughout the station. You can't use the restroom, eat a meal in the break room, enter a door, without being reminded to do something. I want to make a sign that says I'm all signed out. If you can't figure out that a toilet runs after you flush it, maybe you shouldn't have the privilege of using it in the first place. I'm just saying.

Speaking of signs, I'm pretty sure College Gameday will be at the Georgia/Alabama game next Saturday that I will be attending. It would be great to make a sign that would have all the blogs laughing the next day. Lou Holtz's lisp is too obvious. Any suggestions?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

But Seriously, What Did She Say?

Several people have brought to my attention that if I just stop rambling so much maybe I would have enough time to post blogs more frequently, rather than trying to compete with Tolstoy every time I post. Well thanks for telling me how to operate my blog! I'm kidding of course. It's actually flattering to hear that at least 3 people want more of Cale's Corner. I just stole the power of 3 from American Pie 2 just there. And it's totally true by the way. Colleges and their promiscuous girls! And while we're at it, cite me another example of someone using Tolstoy and American Pie 2 in the same paragraph. 10 Schrutebucks says you can't do it.

Yesterday I busted out a "that's what she said". I do make fun of The Office, but it does make me laugh. Enjoy the video:

Monday, September 15, 2008

Blowin' In The Wind

I'm even starting today's blog in the morning. I never start writing in the morning. The morning should be reserved for yawning, being mad at the world, and picking eye boogers. How many did I gross out? Channeling John McCain, but not today friends. You know who else calls you friend? The hostess at Steak n' Shake. My friend Scotty and I went to the Paducah location a couple of months ago and she greeted us by saying "Hello friends. Welcome to Steak n' Shake." The joke was on her, however, because I'd never even met that girl before. She had two less friends than she thought she really had. She should have applied for this show. ANYWAY, I have some things to share this morning. For one, my apartment almost got blown away yesterday.

Kentucky's hurricane season hit yesterday morning. These seasons don't usually last long, but watch out! Your bluegrass might get uprooted. I woke up to a loud banging yesterday morning... is that what she said? (ANNOUNCER: New season of The Office coming September 25th! What will happen between Jim and Pam? Why did we have to see Dwight with his shirt off? Why do the writers think that anyone cares about what happens to Ryan? Wait, why are we still watching this show? September 25th! On NBC.) No, my window was a little loose and it was the best alarm clock ever. If I could only manufacture 75 mph winds every morning with a loose window then it would be on like Donkey Kong. I just had to erase Donkey Dong and replace it with Donkey Kong. Whoops. Oh, and click on that link if you're bored. One of the awesomest documentaries ever. Anyhoo, Mother Nature created a bit of a mess yesterday. Trees joining families for dinner, power outages, and radio stations not giving people their fill of Katy Perry. I'm not sure which of those scenarios is worse.
This is our station during the madness. It's supposed to depict the magnitude of the wind, but all I can notice is the lack of shrubbery.

So I try to get some breakfast yesterday. At noon. IHOP was packed. Cracker Barrel was crowded. So I went to this little waffle diner down the road. I walked in because there were people inside but it didn't dawn on me until I was already sitting down that the power was out. No music + not a lot of people + sitting in the dark = uncomfortability. I'm pretty sure I just invented that word. So the waitress tells me no waffles at the Waffle Hut. And let me tell you, the Hut as a restaurant name doesn't have quite the same gravitas. I get pancakes instead and I was very satisfied with this decision. So I'm almost done eating before I realize that the Hut probably wasn't going to accept credit cards because they had no power. I'm totally one of those guys that never carries cash. I use my card for everything. In fact, I'm pretty sure the gas station down the street is about tired of me buying my Powerades with my debit card almost every day. Let me just say, I DID NOT want to wash the Hut's dishes. I've seen those movies and they never have a happy ending. In an ideal world, I could've gone across the street and received some cash money from an ATM. No power. Luckily I did have one dollar on me, so the rest of the supply was hinging on the Caddy's infinite coin supply. Our lovely waitress allowed me to go to my car and get some more fundage. I looked under seats, in the glove box, in the trunk and eventually got enough money to pay the poor woman. Even a tip! I totally paid this poor woman in pennies. It was embarrassing to say the least. The incident totally reminded me of college when on Sundays I would have to fend for myself because the school's cafeteria wasn't open. I had to find enough change to get a nutritious meal at Taco Hell.

Oh, I watched V for Vendetta yesterday afternoon. Once again, better than watching the Rams. This movie always puts me in more of a Libertarian sort of mood. I leave you with this quote.

Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty. – Thomas Jefferson

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Tightening Up

I just can't stay away from this Cardinals team. They get swept by Houston two weekends ago and everyone starts talking about next year. Fast forward to last night and the Cards beat the Cubs, the Brewers lose to the Reds, the Phillies go down, and all of a sudden the Cardinals are right back in the Wild Card chase. They are too difficult of a team to just let us go in peace and watch baseball without scoreboard watching all evening long. They want me, and others such as myself, to agonize over them for the next three weeks. And you know what? I totally will. Instead of doing all those other awesome things I do in the evening like clean my bathroom (it's amazing how quickly bathrooms become dirty), not make eye contact with people at Noble Park, or cook dinner that could last me approximately 4.7 days, I'll just watch the Cardinals until they are mathematically eliminated. Sure as hell beats watching the Rams anyway.

So I was really tired yesterday morning and I got dressed really quickly. I go to work and put in my 72% productivity and go home. I go to the gym. I run some errands. After I'm done with pretending like I'm busy, I return back to the man palace and prepare for my shower. Well, guess what? What Cale? The entire day I was wearing my boxers inside out. I totally was. I went through the entire day without even a thought that my boxers might not be on correctly. You may think that's gross or just not funny, but that's not the point. It made me think about the one year that I went to camp when I was a kid. I was still pretty young I think. Maybe 5th grade? Anyway, I was a young kid but clearly old enough to not have my initials marked on my underwear by my mother with a Sharpie. Don't think that didn't stop her. So I go to camp, sing funny songs with frog puppets, eat terrible food, kill kids in touch football, and next thing I know it's the end of the week. The entire week I was in a room with a bunch of boys that I didn't previously know. Most of them were from the Chicago area. As I can remember, I got along with all of them. There was one kid, however, named J.D. that was a bit unusual. He was a nice kid, but just a little different. He was totally that kid who just snotted on everything and looked like he was about two meals away from appearing on a Feed the Children commerical. So by the end of the week there was a pair of whitey tighties hanging in the bathroom. Wait. Why do we say pair for underwear? If it's just one article of underwear, then it wouldn't make much of a pair would it? Correction: There were some whitey tighties.. (whitey tighty?) hanging in the bathroom all week. No one bothered to take it off the hanger because boys are gross and we like to smell weird things. So it's Friday and everyone is packing up and I'm trying to field all the little girls' requests for their picture to be taken with me and the only thing left is this underwear just hanging in our bathroom. Our counselor is getting a little annoyed by this and is asking everyone in our room if they know who owns the mystery undergarment. So he asks my little buddy J.D.

Counselor: J.D., is that your underwear in the bathroom? It looks like it's about your size.

J.D.: (Not looking up from his Gameboy) Nope. I already tried them on. They're too saggy.

Counselor: (Looking absolutely disgusted) Oh. That's really gross J.D.

If you were looking for something to wear to show your love, I found the perfect shirt for you. It might be embarrassing how many people you'll start seeing wearing these shirts around. Catch the wave before it passes you by.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Heck Do Ya Mean?

Along with the rest of the country, I'm fascinated by Sarah Palin. Politics aside, she really does seem like an unique individual. By the way, just so you know, I always use the adjective "unique" when I'm talking about hippies, complete weirdos, or women who wear their hair up and librarian glasses. I'll let you decide what category she falls in. Sarah Palin is well... she's attractive. I guarantee some Eskimos have some serious crushes on our possible next Vice President. I think it makes her even more attractive that she's a bit crazy as well. Ya know, all that seceding nonsense, trying to fire her former brother-in-law, strangling small animals. I think I made that last part up. But seriously, Geraldine Ferraro doesn't even come close to Mrs. Palin. And Palin gets immediate bonus points for probably being the only possible Vice President who has given us Iditarod highlights...But don't take my word for it!!

I remember now why I hated the movie Fargo so much. That accent is awful! However, this does immediately increase the odds of the "Boom Goes The Dynamite!" guy becoming our VP in 2024.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Coming To The Home

This is going to be the quickest blog ever today. I have approximately 47 million things to do today before I go home for Labor Day weekend. But I thought I would share a few things.

Apparently my car needs every single part replaced. I took it to a shop today to get the basic oil, lube, and filter change and they called me back and informed me that I also probably need to get a new horn, different radio buttons, a shorter antenna, and faster power windows. They were more than happy to give me prices for all of the above. I straight up went crazy on the guy. I did. I was one of those crazy guys that you read about in books. I told him that I just want my oil changed and that would be all, thank you. He congratulated me on not being the company's one millionth sucker and hung up the phone. After saying this, you would be unwise to take the over on my car completely blowing up within a month.

I'm going home this weekend. The Bethalto Homecoming is calling my name. Also Six Flags, my niece's birthday party, Gilligan's, Roma's, my older sister's house, and possibly Andy's parents' house. A lot of inanimate objects are calling my name. Impressive.

Ha! Spell check does not recognize Bethalto as a proper word. Apparently blogspot has never been to the beer tent and been hit on by high school health teachers. The Bethalto Homecoming is right up there with the running of the bulls, Super Bowl, being a contestant on a game show, and punching William Shatner in the face that everyone should experience in their lifetime before they die.

Listen to yours truly tonight on the webcast of the Southern Illinois Miners game doing some color commentary. Your playoff bound Southern Illinois Miners!

Anyway, that's all I got today. Have a fun and safe weekend. Try not to work because ya know, it's Labor Day. That makes absolutely no sense. Later!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Pull Over!

Mitch Hedberg really makes me laugh. I love his comedy. It's really a shame his life was ended too soon. Here is a short video for your pleasure:

Here are other things that make me laugh...

- The Jerk
- Paternity shows on Maury
- Daxflame
- Know-it-alls
- Receiving drunk dials
- Listening to people say that they get along with everyone, but knowing full well this is not true
- Dan McLaughlin and Al Hrabosky's tension-filled broadcasts
- When mascots fight
- Old man jokes/Little kids' jokes
- When you meet someone new and they try so hard to figure out someone you both know so they can talk about them instead of having a normal conversation

This article makes you think about the Olympics in a whole new way.

So I was on my way to work yesterday morning with the windows down, music up, and enjoying the day. I was on a four lane road right before the lanes were about to merge. All of a sudden this woman drives right up to my car on my right and starts frantically waving her arms and waving for me to pull over. She looked like she was having an epileptic seizure. I immediately got frustrated because I thought for sure a tire was blown and I was going to have to spend money on another bogus maintenance issue. So I pull over and she immediately got out of her car pointing at the top of my car. She yelled, "Is that your cell phone on the top of your car?" I looked up and noticed that she was pointing at my satellite radio antenna which by the way looks absolutely nothing like a cell phone. And, on top of that, how did she even see it since the device is on the driver's side and she was driving on the opposite side? So I told the panting lady what it was after I let out a sigh of relief and she said, "Oh. That's weird!" Then she drove off. Small town living...

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Say Cheese!

I think I've had a lot of things on my mind lately. Some might call it a funk, in the not so Wild Cherry sense. I'd like to just not call it anything. I don't want to read a book to help me sort things out or even get away for a while and take a trip. I just want to figure things out quickly. I realize that I over-complicate a lot of things in life. But I don't have a dog (sadly), no mortgage, no covert ops missions, so I need something to worry about. Bobby McFerrin would just tell me to be happy, but I'm pretty sure this philosophy only works if you live at a tropical location where there are a crazy amount of tourists and you pretend that you immensely enjoy strawberry daiquiris and smiling all the time. So this is what I'm going to do... listen to a ton of ridiculously good music, take a lot of showers (my best thinking happens in the shower), exercise to the point of exhaustion (this will probably be before the showers but sometimes I like to change it up), and then I may not come up with anything but I guarantee that I will feel better.

So I don't think I told you yet. I decided what I'm doing for my birthday weekend which is almost a month away. My college roommate Moonshine came to Paducah in December and we try to get together once a year. So I'm going to the University of Georgia for the weekend and going to catch the UGA vs. Alabama football game. I'm pretty pumped about it. There will be some people there that I haven't seen in a really long time that I'm excited to see. It's only going to be a Friday thru Sunday thing but I think it will still be worth going. So if you're going to be in the Athens area on September 27th give me a call and I will be more than happy to eat your grilled burgers during tailgating time.

Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh do a pretty good job of making me watch women's beach volleyball. I don't even really find them all that attractive, I just appreciate that they dominate everyone else. Last night, for instance, it was between watching Obama Revealed on CNN, 101 Most Memorable Moments of SNL, the local access channel with women talking about the benefits of yoga, or girls in bikinis rolling around in sand. I decided to celebrate America and watch the bump-set-spike tandem. My program director told me today that they thanked the President for their inspiration. Hmmm.... You know that's funny. Especially after the picture I posted a few weeks ago.

What's your go-to move when you walk by people? Do you smile, look down, make eye contact, no eye contact, pretend like you're looking at your watch or iPod, act like you're talking on the phone? Some people have this craft down to a science. It was especially weird in college because most people you recognize but you have no idea who they are. Just because you see them every day, do they then deserve at least eye contact? It's a very complicated thing. I'll tell you what I do. I like to look straight at them and play eye contact chicken. Usually I win. People HATE making eye contact with strangers. I blame this on our parents. We're all so scared of people we don't know because they're going to steal our candy or something like that. I would like to think I'm a fairly affable person with people I don't know. People I do know is a different story, but strangers have done nothing to me except for not introduce themselves so why not be friendly? I also honk and wave at people walking on the sidewalk when I drive but for some reason not everyone thinks this practice is all that friendly. They must have had a lot of candy stolen when they were a child.

LYLAB or LYLAS. Or for three of you, LYS.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

You Never Call, You Never Write

Hi again. I saw my parents over the weekend. They're fine, thanks. I spent most of the weekend in Marion catching some baseball and participating in a family reunion. Although a lot of times family reunions are more like unions for me. There's a good bit more of unionizing than re-unionzing because I always end up meeting random family members. It's good to do this kind of thing though because then it won't be as awkward if any of them wins the lottery. I'd rather not come out of the woodwork as so many people say, but instead just walk out of the shed in their backyard and say "Remember me? We met briefly at a family reunion. Give me money now please. I have to go home and shower because I've been staying in this poorly ventilated shed for a really long time."

All I've been able to think about for the last few days is getting a dog. There are a few problems with this dream. a) I know absolutely nothing about dogs. b) I live in an apartment that doesn't allow dogs. c) I'm afraid that I'll buy a really cute puppy and he or she will turn on me and not even really like me all that much. I wish I was joking. I just want to rescue a cute dog and let it become my best friend and help me pick up women. I don't think that's too much to ask for. So, whenever I move out of my apartment (Paducah or non-Paducah) this will be a top priority. Wikipedia has taught me a lot about dogs so far but I still have a lot to learn. Maybe after all this research I'll just be dog tired of the whole thing and move on to my next Animotion's Obsession.

I had more to say today, but football talk took over this afternoon. Football is not my favorite sport to watch, but I'm ready for it to be back in my life. We don't talk much, football and I, but I feel like every time that we're together it's like we just pick right back up from where we left off and I think that's why I value our friendship so much.

More to come later in the week.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Preview City

On my old MySpace blogs, I would give the playlist every day from the All Request Lost 80's Lunch when I was on 105.5 The Cat. I haven't been giving out the ZZL playlists from the All Request Lunch. I'm not really sure why. I think people who read my blog got more into the nostalgic excogitation of their youth than they would reading about bands they have no feelings either way about. Also, the playlist would be my attempt to have some feeling of a theme following all the rambling. I've noticed I have absolutely no direction whatsoever when I write. None. One might ask, then, what is my theme? Well I've covered this before but there is none. How clever is that? I also like to adopt this philosophy in my everyday life. Random is one of my favorite words. I don't like to say no to things. I see that Jim Carrey has stolen my next idea for a movie. Back to the drawing board! All this being said, I want to run down a list of ideas I've had for the next few months on Cale's Corner. See how I do that? Contradict myself? The easy joke would be "I should be a politician." But politicians are getting enough crap these days. How about college football coaches? They're pretty good flip-floppers as well. It should be the goal for everyone within the reach of my poorly colored blog to neither flip nor flop.

-Once the MLB playoffs start, I'll probably write a preview. No predictions will be made. I found out real quickly my prognosticating skills are not the greatest after my previews during spring training.

-I'm sure I'll want to discuss the upcoming election at some point, although this should probably be avoided like the plague. I realize there are all kinds of people that read my blog. I appreciate every single person that takes the time to check in. My point is to never make people angry with anything I say. Ehh...never mind. I just talked myself out of it. We could do a mock Survivor contest with past Presidents though. I'm thinking pre-1900. Don't act like you wouldn't be excited for a battle royale between Van Buren and John Tyler. Although Van Buren would totally dominate that match-up. He was the political Gary Cooper before Gary Cooper was Gary Cooper. You can't argue with that.

-I'll probably continue to talk about how awesome I am.

-Already excited for this year's Top 10 Albums blog. Who knows? Maybe only ten albums was SO last year. 25? 50? Now we're talking ambitious.

Well, that's all I got today. I had nothing to bring today. I'm just tossing breaking balls over the middle of the plate. It's a good thing science has indicated that people love previews.

More to come later in the week. Roll down your windows. It's nice outside. Live a little.

Friday, August 8, 2008

The Olympics Make Me Hungry For Fried Rice

I started writing a new blog yesterday afternoon and then I realized that the Cards/Cubs game was a matinee. That obviously took precedence. Jim Edmonds is not one of my favorite persons in the world right now.

The Olympics' Opening Ceremonies were last night. Well, at least the spectacle was aired on NBC last night. Let's all agree as a nation that whenever NBC shows us Olympics coverage that it is being aired live. I would like to think that whenever I'm watching Chinese dancers draw calligraphy on a giant LCD screen I'm watching the performance at the same time as my friends in Shanghai. This has been said before by others, but the Olympics are interesting to me. For one, it's supposed to be about sports and competition but it turns into a political firestorm instead. And I'll say it. It's ridiculous that China was awarded the Olympics. It really is. You can talk about global harmony all you want, but the IOC has turned into... (turned into, or just remained?) an organization that turns a blind eye on human rights and other key issues and grabs top dollar. If I was Jacques Rogge, however, I would have probably done the same thing if I would have known that the stadium's ceiling was going to be a giant TV screen. The Chinese are so good at technology!! Sandra Oh fans now have a new spot they want to watch Grey's Anatomy. This just in. Sandra Oh is not Chinese, rather Korean-Canadian. Oh. Also, I find it curious that we root for Greco-Roman wrestlers, badminton players, and our archery team just because they're from America. Listen, I'm all about nationalism and patriotism and every other kind of pro-American 'isms out there. However, I don't subscribe to the theory that just because I was born in America every other country is the bad guy and we should dominate them to the point that Moroccans break down and cry due to our undying need for supposititious sports supremacy. Say that five times fast. The Olympics do give us fantastic photos like this however.
Kings of Leon has been one of my favorite bands for a few years now. They just released two new songs from their upcoming album on their MySpace page this week. Check them out if you have time. Their album comes out on September 23rd and anyone that knows me really well is already sick of me talking about it. My birthday is September 27th by the way. Consider this a formal gift suggestion.

I think it would be cool if parents named their baby girl Karma and she turned out to be a really sweet girl.

All I got for this Saturday. Enjoy the Olympics. Enjoy life. Be good to others. See ya next week!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Jet Setting

Everyone has an opinion about Brett Favre. SportsCenter has interviewed about everyone imaginable about their thoughts. I wrote that like SportsCenter has the ability to interview people. Correction: There have been several interviews profiled on SportsCenter where random athletes and talking heads have given us their opinion about Brett Favre's situation and his latest trade to the New York Jets. It does sound weird, I have to admit. Brett Favre as a New York Jet. When I was growing up, St. Louis didn't have a NFL franchise. So I grew up a Packers fan. Even after the Rams came to town, I still secretly rooted for the Packers if they weren't playing St. Louis. Although it was a bit painful to watch Brett's lousy performance in the 2002 playoff game. So now the question I have to answer for myself is have I rooted for the Green Bay Packers all these years or actually just Brett Favre? Yeah, you can call me John Madden and accuse me of having a man crush like so many other media types. Actually, do call me John Madden. I'm thinking less for the video game, sweet bus ride, the Super Bowl ring - I envy the turducken. No one ever cooks turducken for me. He mentions it one time during a Thanksgiving game and the man now has turducken at his beckoning call. One meats, two meats, three meats, sweet. Fuzzy Zoeller calls in and mentions he is less pleased to have a food mention tied to his name. Anyway, I wish Favre success. Hopefully this doesn't turn into a Joe Namath situation. Meaning his days with the L.A. Rams, not his Suzy Kolber debacle. Speaking of Suzy Kolber, do you think that she is upset that her YouTube clip is the defining moment of her career? Veronica Corningstone did so much for women broadcasters and poor Suzy was just trying to carry the torch. Now she has to live with this moniker for the rest of her life.

Well I had more planned for today, but we'll get to it tomorrow. Call it a Friday smorgasbord.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Racecar Spelled Backwards Is Racecar

This weekend I worked at the Kentucky Lake Motor Speedway selling concessions. There were no races, rather monster trucks. Let me just tell you, Gravedigger is the man if trucks were men. Most people think automobiles are females, but trucks probably have a bit of an Alexis Arquette thing going on. They just want people to see them for who they are and I guess I can appreciate that. Anyway, this reminded me of the time that my dad took me to see monster trucks in St. Louis when I was in high school. As my sister described last week, my dad was great about taking his kids individually to different events or just for a cup of ice cream. (It's funny that we make such a big deal about him doing things with us separately. You would think we all hated each other and didn't want to hang out with siblings, which isn't the case at all.) So we go to the monster truck event at the dome in St. Louis. I'm pretty sure my dad knew at this point in my life that I wasn't really interested in cars/trucks/racing. I still have to call him to remind me how to put windshield wiper fluid in my car. But he probably wanted to go and thought it might look weird for him to go by himself. So I went. Because that's what good sons do. And we're talking the legitimate good sons, not the Macaulay Culkin types. I'm all watching with intent because I've never even see this kind of thing on TV. For one, we didn't have cable until I was 18 years old and I was too busy reading about J.D. Drew's latest injury on St. Louis sports message boards anyway. I remember actually enjoying the spectacle although I'm a bit ashamed now of rooting for Gravedigger. I mean, that's kind of like rooting for the Yankees or the Harlem Globetrotters. All the Washington Generals do is show up to play and they get hosed by the refs every time. Wait a minute... Have we found a job for Tim Donaghy after jail time? So basically the moral of the story is no matter how dumb you think something is, you should hang out with the people you love anyway. You might actually enjoy it or at the very least see some fantastic mullets. Ya know, if you're going to a monster truck event and all. You get what I'm saying.

I lost a bet over the weekend and now I have to find a Phillies shirt to wear. This does not excite me. All morning I've been looking for an older Scott Rolen or Pete Rose jersey and have had a heck of a time. I think I'm going to go with an old school 1980 World Series champion shirt. I was thinking Ryan Howard since he is from St. Louis, but even for a day I can't bring myself to wearing a jersey of a guy that beats the Cards so bad he could probably hit homers with his eyes closed at this point. Joe Carter calls in and says he would like to wear Mitch Williams' jersey.

Oh, and monopoly is my new board game craze. I just felt that you should know. Good day.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

This One Goes Out To All My Swiss Friends

At some point in my life I would like to make this blog an every day thing. Every article I have read about blogging preaches that regular updates is the best way to keep people coming back. I guess that's the whole point... to keep people coming back. My whole goal, however, is to just keep myself entertained. You're more than welcome to join in on the fun. I figure writing a blog is a little more accepted than carrying around a leather bound journal and documenting every move. Although it seemed to work well for Sebastian.

Oh, so good news. Google Maps now offers directions to destinations if you happen to be walking. Everyone knows it's less dangerous to walk across the country if you don't use Dwight's intertwined baby. Poor Forrest just had to wing it. I remember the good old days. When you could get a milk shake for a quarter, let your kids ride their bikes in the neighborhood, when Barry Bonds had a normal sized head, and you didn't have Google telling you whose farm to walk through.

I went home last weekend. My dad had his retirement party. It's kind of weird when your "old man" actually becomes an old man. Anyway, I was a bit overwhelmed with all the people that came to celebrate. My parents house was bustling and rustling all at the same time. I lived with a family of 6 growing up so you would think I would be used to people all over the place. Yet, I've lived in an apartment by myself for almost the last year and I love it. Not including the walking around in your underwear thing, (which can not be overstated) but it's just nice to have your own space. So here's the question... Would you rather live in isolation for a year with no outside contact or live in a confined space with 100 other people with no respite? I'll go with the isolation every time. I know they* say that people go crazy in isolation, but I think Nelson Mandela turned out alright. That being said, I'm contractually obligated to say that I love my family very much. Except for the adopted ones. Kidding!

*They still haven't figured out who they are. But they sure say a lot of things.

I knew for sure that I was on my cyclical downward trend of fitness yesterday when I had a remote at a fitness center. I was way more interested in the Chick-Fil-A than looking at the new equipment. Also, how silly is it that gyms serve soft drinks? Or is it smart? A fitness center calls in with an uncontrollable evil laugh and says that it keeps them* coming. He also mentions possibly bringing in Philly cheese steaks and German beer.

*Not to be confused with they. Very different.

TGIT. Peace.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Two Minutes For Credit Check

Welcome back. Just to get it out of the way, the midnight showing of The Dark Knight was awesome. I feel like I don't really have to talk about it a lot because it seems as if every movie-goer in America has already seen this film. The thing that everyone perpetually talks about is Heath Ledger's performance. I certainly didn't think the hype was unwarranted. He was amazing. The movie had more of a sinister feel, but I liked the gritty reality of the flick. I'm planning on seeing it again this weekend at IMAX and I'm as excited to see it the second time around.

So an interesting thing happened at this local premiere. For whatever reason there was minimal screen entertainment as people were filing into their seats. Apparently the Cinemark Theatre didn't deem it necessary to let us know for the fifteenth time that Jodie Foster was nominated for an Academy Award for her role in Taxi Driver via the Movie Trivia feature. So I guess people felt the need to entertain themselves. After the wave mercifully failed, I would say at least 27% of the audience started singing the song. I'm serious. People were really getting into harmonically describing their need to check their respective personal credit statuses. I don't think I'm necessarily making fun of these people, I just don't get the phenomenon. I don't really watch a ton of TV so I guess I haven't allowed the evil of mass marketing geared towards preying on those who might be afraid that they will remain a pirate waiter for the rest of their life reach me yet. Three points for a run-on sentence. I just wish I would have taken the points 4 years ago when the bet was still open that a song about checking your credit report would be available on iTunes.

Things I've been pondering as Zimbabwe sorts out its standard inflation issue. Ya know, like why it costs 10 billion dollars for bus fare.

-Is it funny to anyone else that Punky Brewster is a crusader for the breast reduction movement?

-I can totally understand why people think it's justified that they don't pay taxes. Here is another example.

-Tony LaRussa might be finding a stiffer drink than wine after these last two games against the Brewers.

-I don't even really like the Beastie Boys version of Girls, but Hello Tokyo's remake made me smile.

-I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard "I'm not racist, but..." recently. I would have more dollars than I do now.

-For nostalgia sake, how come no company has come up with a Grandma's House air refresher? I mean, they all smell the same. I don't think it would be too hard.

That's all I got. Later.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Turn the Light Off

Per CNN, Barack Obama doesn't sweat. They just thought you should know.

I'm ready to return from my baseball vacation. I got another solid three months in me of analyzing pitch sequences for three hours every night.

How come there are no movies about modern-day actors? You're telling me there hasn't been one compelling story about a living actor that could be depicted in a movie? Singers, athletes, politicians... they all get movies made about them before they even die. Actors don't. This is clearly discrimination by the movie industry against its own kind. Is it because they would all insist to play themselves and directors aren't so sure that Jack Nicholson would be convincing enough to play a young Jack Nicholson?

Speaking of Mr. Nicholson, The Dark Knight premieres this weekend. To say I'm a big Batman fan would be an understatement. I grew up on the old Adam West shows and I will be in attendance of the midnight show tonight. Obviously, this particular rendition will be exciting yet chilling due to the passing of Heath Ledger only in January. The following is what I wrote about Heath's death back in January:

"My favorite color is black. I realize that technically speaking black isn't even a color, rather the absence of color. However, I just like it. I don't think anyone would ever confuse me as goth, but I can see the attraction. Feeling the need to stand out, being rebellious and rooting for the "bad guy", having people perceive you as mysterious and dangerous. I get all that. I just hope my teenagers don't go throught that phase. I'm totally going to be the over-protective type of dad that has to give my daughters a full fledged inspection before they can leave the house.

So, growing up my favorite superhero was Batman. Batman was inherently a good guy, but there was a reason he was called the Dark Knight. Bruce Wayne had a troubled childhood after the murder of his parents, and had a hard time finding himself and what he wanted to accomplish. He was internally conflicted. He eventually decided to fight evil in Gotham to restitute what his father had started, but more so out of rage. He had maintained a level of anger after his parents' murders that fueled him day by day. Bruce Wayne was an extremely wealthy man. He understood, though, that money does not create happiness. Everyone has to decide for themselves where their root of personal satisfaction lies, and his was in fighting evil.

Fast forward from the comic realm to reality. I was saddened along with everyone else to hear of the passing of Heath Ledger. It's interesting that someone that I have had absolutely no contact with whatsoever can have an impact on me. Truthfully, most celebrity deaths aren't in the least bit numbing and I just accept them as the cyclical process of the way Hollywood works. Say good bye to a few, say hello to a few more. For whatever reason, Heath's death bothered me. Perhaps it's for selfish reasons because he is ironically enough in the new Batman movie coming out this summer. It's no secret that I'm a huge dork and invested in the entire Batman franchise. I think, though, that at my age it is finally resonating to me that no matter where you are in life it's very possible to be completely and totally unhappy. Authorities have already dismissed the possibility of suicide, which is encouraging. However, I don't think it would be unfair to say that Heath Ledger's life was a bit troubled. For all the money, all the fame, all the adoration from females he struggled to keep afloat in the sometimes unreachable stratum of satisfaction. He was undoubtedly uber-talented and had a bright future ahead of him. I was pumped to see him play the Joker in The Dark Knight this summer. Now, the whole production will take on a whole new context. A villain is gone, this time way too early. "