Giving Spanks

Shut up. I know I haven't been around lately. Let's go...

I got a new phone and it scares me. I'm pretty sure it's smarter than I am. Actually, I guarantee it's smarter than me. I can't even figure out how Kerry Collins is on a 11-1 team and why people in Atlanta still wear Michael Vick jerseys instead of rooting for the best rookie QB in, well... ever.

I denied a "Pray for Sarah Palin" group on Facebook the other day. That doesn't mean I don't want to pray for her though, so don't be offended. I just don't want the whole world to know how much I miss her. If only Fox News would go to Alaska and see what she's up to. Send Greta. No one will know the difference between frostbite or a laser surgery on her face gone awry anyway.

Inspired to do so by BFA and B Whitt, I finally watched all of High Fidelity the other day. I'm not sure why I hadn't watched it before. It combines all of my favorite things; being a music snob, making lists, Lisa Bonet, and finding good things in unexpected places. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving last week here are 5 things that I am thankful for:

1) Health
2) Family
3) Friends
4) Technology
5) Charles Barkley

My status update on Facebook on Thanksgiving mentioned how my holiday in 2003 was a little rough. Several people asked me why. Want a quick recap? Recap is pacer backwards by the way. Did you know desserts spelled backwards is stressed? It's just a coincidence though so don't think that just because you get stressed it's OK to stuff your face with chocolate cake. The wording is all a conspiracy by Betty Crocker anyway.

2003 Recap: I was working at Best Buy so I couldn't go home for Thanksgiving due to Black Friday. I was (dating, talking, kissing, whatever) a girl in Clearwater, FL, so I went to go hang out with her on the beach for a while on Thanksgiving morning. I ate Subway for lunch. That was the highlight. The car my dad bought for me on eBay did not too well on the way home on I-4, only one of the busiest interstates in America. My engine blew out with no shoulder in a part of Tampa you wouldn't wish your worst enemies to be stranded. I ended up being completely broke down at a stoplight in Ybor City. A prostitute steered my car while I pushed it across the street towards a parking lot. A man told me he could help fix it while I was waiting for Triple A. He ended up offering to sell me drugs. He left. A man drove up to the same parking lot and told me he got so baked at Thanksgiving he forgot his dog. He offered to sell me drugs. I politely declined. The Triple A guy finally came. He took me and my car to the shop telling me about how his dad was a jerk and made him work on Thanksgiving and how he couldn't stand his life. I signed the papers. He hugged me and thanked me for listening. I was baffled. I tried for another hour trying to find someone from school to come pick me up from Lakeland. An acquaintance finally did. He asked me to go out that night. I again politely declined. I went straight to my apartment and shook my head in amazement.

Moral of the story: Don't ever eat Subway for your Thanksgiving meal. That, and make sure the car you're purchasing isn't a lemon before you buy one on eBay.

This week's favorite song is Geraldine by Glasvegas. Enjoy.

White Russian

I meant to put this on yesterday, but I didn't have time. Genius. Pure genius. Amy Poehler's part of course.

The Heck Do Ya Mean?

Along with the rest of the country, I'm fascinated by Sarah Palin. Politics aside, she really does seem like an unique individual. By the way, just so you know, I always use the adjective "unique" when I'm talking about hippies, complete weirdos, or women who wear their hair up and librarian glasses. I'll let you decide what category she falls in. Sarah Palin is well... she's attractive. I guarantee some Eskimos have some serious crushes on our possible next Vice President. I think it makes her even more attractive that she's a bit crazy as well. Ya know, all that seceding nonsense, trying to fire her former brother-in-law, strangling small animals. I think I made that last part up. But seriously, Geraldine Ferraro doesn't even come close to Mrs. Palin. And Palin gets immediate bonus points for probably being the only possible Vice President who has given us Iditarod highlights...But don't take my word for it!!



I remember now why I hated the movie Fargo so much. That accent is awful! However, this does immediately increase the odds of the "Boom Goes The Dynamite!" guy becoming our VP in 2024.