Giving Spanks

Shut up. I know I haven't been around lately. Let's go...

I got a new phone and it scares me. I'm pretty sure it's smarter than I am. Actually, I guarantee it's smarter than me. I can't even figure out how Kerry Collins is on a 11-1 team and why people in Atlanta still wear Michael Vick jerseys instead of rooting for the best rookie QB in, well... ever.

I denied a "Pray for Sarah Palin" group on Facebook the other day. That doesn't mean I don't want to pray for her though, so don't be offended. I just don't want the whole world to know how much I miss her. If only Fox News would go to Alaska and see what she's up to. Send Greta. No one will know the difference between frostbite or a laser surgery on her face gone awry anyway.

Inspired to do so by BFA and B Whitt, I finally watched all of High Fidelity the other day. I'm not sure why I hadn't watched it before. It combines all of my favorite things; being a music snob, making lists, Lisa Bonet, and finding good things in unexpected places. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving last week here are 5 things that I am thankful for:

1) Health
2) Family
3) Friends
4) Technology
5) Charles Barkley

My status update on Facebook on Thanksgiving mentioned how my holiday in 2003 was a little rough. Several people asked me why. Want a quick recap? Recap is pacer backwards by the way. Did you know desserts spelled backwards is stressed? It's just a coincidence though so don't think that just because you get stressed it's OK to stuff your face with chocolate cake. The wording is all a conspiracy by Betty Crocker anyway.

2003 Recap: I was working at Best Buy so I couldn't go home for Thanksgiving due to Black Friday. I was (dating, talking, kissing, whatever) a girl in Clearwater, FL, so I went to go hang out with her on the beach for a while on Thanksgiving morning. I ate Subway for lunch. That was the highlight. The car my dad bought for me on eBay did not too well on the way home on I-4, only one of the busiest interstates in America. My engine blew out with no shoulder in a part of Tampa you wouldn't wish your worst enemies to be stranded. I ended up being completely broke down at a stoplight in Ybor City. A prostitute steered my car while I pushed it across the street towards a parking lot. A man told me he could help fix it while I was waiting for Triple A. He ended up offering to sell me drugs. He left. A man drove up to the same parking lot and told me he got so baked at Thanksgiving he forgot his dog. He offered to sell me drugs. I politely declined. The Triple A guy finally came. He took me and my car to the shop telling me about how his dad was a jerk and made him work on Thanksgiving and how he couldn't stand his life. I signed the papers. He hugged me and thanked me for listening. I was baffled. I tried for another hour trying to find someone from school to come pick me up from Lakeland. An acquaintance finally did. He asked me to go out that night. I again politely declined. I went straight to my apartment and shook my head in amazement.

Moral of the story: Don't ever eat Subway for your Thanksgiving meal. That, and make sure the car you're purchasing isn't a lemon before you buy one on eBay.

This week's favorite song is Geraldine by Glasvegas. Enjoy.