Where's Thomas Wayne When You Need Him?

Tomorrow embarks the beginning of my submissions to a weekly feature in the Current section of the Paducah Sun. Me, along with several other bloggers from around town will write a short piece as a response to a prompted question every Thursday in the paper. Thanks to Adam Shull for asking me to participate. So, since there's a plug for the website and all I figured maybe I should actually behave like a blogger and write today. Crazy concept I know.

Since the last time we talked I really only have two short stories to share. And also perhaps gloat about the Cubs' predictable demise in the playoffs. So last week I received a call in my studio from an elderly lady named Fay. The ZZL line is apparently only one digit away from a drugstore nearby so every once in a while we'll get calls that were meant to be directed to them. So my friend Fay calls me up and I explain to her that is was not the drugstore, rather a radio station. Here is our exchange:

Cale: I'm sorry ma'am. You have the wrong number. This is a radio station.
Fay: OOOOOOOhhhhhh!!! I'm on the radio!!!?????!!!
Cale: No, sorry ma'am. This is just the studio line. We're not actually on the radio right now.
Fay: I've never been on the radio before. My grand kids are never going to believe this! What kind of music do you play?
Cale: Well, we play rock music. Do you like to rock out?
Fay: Oh yes. I can't believe this! Hold on while I get a piece of paper so I can write your name down...... Ok, spell your name.
Cale: C-A-L-E.
Fay: Are you giving anything away?
Cale: Not really. But I can give you a free lunch if you come see me.

The rest of the story is a little personal. We seriously flirted for about 20 minutes. I asked her if she dates much and she said that her grand kids don't allow her to date, but she would love to sneak me out and take me to lunch. I asked if she likes to dance and she said that she used to do the Jitterbug. We agreed that she would teach me the Jitterbug and I would teach her how to get low. We talked about Chicago since we both lived near the same area. She told me about her kids, her grand kids. I told her about my niece's birthday and mine coinciding and my trip to Georgia. I gave her the number to the drugstore she was looking for and asked if she could bring me a Powerade because I was thirsty. So, Fay, if you're reading - your free lunch is waiting. Stop on by anytime. As soon as I get off work, we'll go to O'Charley's and talk some more. After I told this story to people they all mentioned that I probably made her day. Maybe. But I'm also positive that my friend Fay made my day as well.

That was the cool story. The disheartening story was that I fell off my bike Monday morning. Just ate it. Like a little boy. Like a sad little boy. I had a flat tire on my car so I had to ride my bike to work and I was trying to get out of the way of a tractor trailer and I just crashed. I went about four different directions before I finally fell and if anyone saw this incident, you're welcome. I'm sure it was hilarious. The part that's not hilarious? A skinned knee and wrists that look like I'm recreating a MTV: True Life episode about cutters. I felt really dumb, but this was not the first time I've had an accident on a bike in my adult years. Go figure. Ya know, because I did a great job of staying injury-free in high school. For those of you who know me, you know that's a joke. Anyway, I'm all bandaged up and feeling much better now. Thank you. I do need some comfort though. I very well may participate in next week's national holiday. It's ok if your teddy bear has a Cardinals jersey. Everyone knows that.

Alright, check out the paper tomorrow. Have a great day!

Butting Out

MySpace tells me that 4 people have read my blog today. That's so nice of you to do considering I haven't posted anything in over a week. You must be really bored or haven't stopped by in a while. Either way, it's good to see you again. Last week I was a little more concerned with training Jess on the Cat and getting my crap together on ZZL to have the time to write a blog. Now, I don't have to wake up at the badonkadunk crack of dawn so I'm not as mopey.

I think people get really lazy with words. Like making up new words. The first thing that comes to mind is butt cleavage. You remember butt cleavage. Jamie Lynn's older sister and other classy gals around Hollywood started the trend where they would wear their pants really low and show where the sun doesn't shine. Except for in their case the sun would shine because their parents were awful human beings and were probably too busy drinking mai tais than raising their kids. These are the kind of girls my grandma likes to call floozies. Ladies, you do not want to be a floozy. I'm not really sure what the requirements are, but I hear that One Night In Paris Hilton is giving out free lessons. Anyway, why call it butt cleavage anyway? Why not make up a new word? We already had cleavage. That was a perfect opportunity to start a verbal trend as well. Ariel did it. Why can't we? Other examples are hot, cool, sweet, and capillaries. One of those doesn't belong. Gordon from Sesame Street wants you to pick which one.

So yeah, I'm a rock jock now. This means I get to pause more in between sentences and act like I don't care that I'm here. Also, almost immediately I started growing chest hair and smoking 3 packs of cigarettes a day. The All-Request Lunch is a little different than the Lost 80's Lunch. It's pretty much a lot of the same songs we play anyway, just in a request format. So I'm not sure if I'll put up the playlist or not. Maybe I'll just write you a poem every day or possibly a sonnet. No chance I will write you a limerick though. Those things are downright difficult. If you have any suggestions, you can send me a message via the internets.

The weekend was good. I swam, rode my bike some, played basketball, ate ice cream, played video games, and watched baseball and fireworks. All that and I'm not even 8 years old. Amazing.

Oh, so it seems like my entire family is on Facebook now. So, I'm going to start posting these little blogs on Facebook as well.

Oh and one more thing. Big news. I got my 100th Obama is a Muslim e-mail today. They have now surpassed the donate money to an African prince notes and now only trail the Viagra offers. If all goes according to plan, however, they might just surpass all by November. I'll fill you in on the stats as we go along.

Ta ta for now.